- •Both partners should be more interested in giving than receiving.
- •There should be at least one language in which both partners are fluent.
- •Partners should never “assume” anything just because it’s common sense in their own culture.
How to deal with conflict in mixed marriages
- •Don’t give examples from your own country
- •Apologize even if it means you’ll lose the face
- •Never use generalizations about his/her country/culture/family even if he/she previously accepted that (e.g. we,…s usually are not punctual)
- •Don’t touch and don’t get so close, different cultures have different use of proximity
- •Check your voice and make sure you’re not too loud according to your spouse’s culture
- •Don’t talk about the past that (naturally) cannot be changed
- •Don’t say it was a misunderstanding or a language problem
- •Try to think like a person from his/her culture (force yourself)
- •Try to find something (even 1%) of what he/she says and agree with it 100%
- •Don’t interrupt and listen very carefully
- •Rephrase his/her problem in your own words
- •Never try to WIN the argument (when you win the argument, relationship loses)
- •Instead of YOU statements try to make I statements
- •Think about alternative solutions to the problem
- •State that you understand the other side and you are willing to solve the problem
- •Remember some people overreact when they lose face (e.g. when their mistake is revealed)
- •Remember different cultures have different values (e.g. yes, in some cultures work/responsibility comes before family)
- •Remember most conflicts arise because one side misinterprets the other side’s true intention
- •Remember, sometimes it might be a gender difference issue (men and women think differently) or a personality issue (introverts and extroverts act differently) rather than a cultural issue.
- •Don’t avoid conflict see it as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.
Online lessons for kids: dinolingo.com